Abacha to join Presidential race

THE LATE Nigerian Head of State, General Abacha, yesterday declared his interest to join the presidential race having observed that the Nigerian society has settled for retired, redundant, “dead” generals as presidential candidates for the 2003 elections.

In a press statement issued while turning in his grave in Kano, the former dictator and sole presidential candidate in the 1998 mock elections said that it was the eventual zoning of the 2003 presidency to has-been generals that persuaded him to join the race.

The overwhelming selection of retired generals he explained, has confirmed his belief that the Nigerian society is sick and slowly dying from the effects of its addiction to over three decades of brutal military rule. “They might as well have a dead man as president,” he raved.

Abacha, who spoke in impeccable Hausa said looking at the calibre of
the presidential aspirants he was dead sure he could perform worse than them if given another chance.

“As far as I’m concerned, the nation is on its deathbed and it does not make the least difference who drives the last nail into its cofin.

“I am turning in my grave because I know I could wreak far worse havoc on the nation than all of those retired generals put together. Besides, I am genuinely dead and more suited for the job! Dead easy!”

Abacha has instructed a Swiss Bank to pay the $2bn special nomination fees for late aspirants.