The letter below by Olalekan Akinsete is served to you raw, unedited, so you can fully appreciate the writer’s point of view and of course, save ourselves from being accused of ”tampering with evidence.” or misrepresentation.

YOU WORSEN NIGERIA’S IMAGE BY CRITICISING OBASANJO

Dear Editor,
“...With some partners we are analysing comics about your country that appear on the internet . The website is www.foolscap-media.com . Are you acquainted with it? Although in the disclaimer the editor says that everything is made up, the comics depict your country as a corrupt one, is this so?.… Thank you for the information you gave me in your mail, and please don't get me wrong, I asked you about politics in your country because I am quite acquainted with the comics that are published on the foolscap media website. I am quite critical and I am aware of the great irony the jokes have but the comics, particularly the ones about Obasanjo, depict him as an
irresponsible person who is completly 'managed/controlled' by the UK, and the US
leaders. (I' am attaching the comic that strikes me the most!!)...”

This was part of a letter sent to me by a very good friend of mine fron Argentina.
I am sure you will not be suprised to see this because the basic reason of having this website is for you to be heard through the length and breadth of the world.
As for me, i was. To be candid, i have not heard of this site untill now.

I want to ask you, do you think the way you go about projecting the image of our great country is good enough? Don't you think you are making the matter worse? To you it was quite fun telling Nigerian youths that there were placements for them outside the homeland, to us here, you are adding more pains to the already miserable lives of millions of unemployed graduates.

We all know that our so called political elites are shameless, selfish and corrupt, but as i will always say, we should not be an arm chair critics, for every ten critism, there must be at least five solutions. Have you done this? ,no again. What is the gurantee if given the same opportunity, you will not do worse things?.

To let you know, some Isrealis were instrumental to the release of money running to billions in dollars banked by their people who unfortunately died during the holocaust. When it was becoming embarassing to the Swiss government, they were forced to release this money waiving their strict banking regulations they were noted for.I never for once heard any Nigerian out there in the UK or other parts of Europe do anything to help in returning all our looted funds. Recently British high commissioner to Nigeria made it very clear on the the money looted that the Brish Government will not help in recovering it, still, no one, not a single one of us out there carried a placard denouncing the government policy, all what we see is sit down in your cosy homes and critize.

Again Let me make a point clear here, all our actions and inactions will definitely make an impact either positively or the other way round. Dont forget that you guys have families here in the homeland. There is a Yoruba adage that says, if you throw stone in the market place, the person it hits may be our family member! .Please ponder on these and make amends.

Olalekan Akinsete
lovearuba@yahoo.com

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WHAT’S WRONG WITH ZAMFARA?

SIR, It’s been such a while since you tickled us with bizarre news about Zamfara. Your silence is as if Zamfara has not been in the news lately. And I am wondering whether your silence is because you don’t find the latest shenanigans tickling enough to report, or perhaps you have been told to back off.

To me, Zamfara’s recent harebrained plan to force non-indigenes to pay school fees or bar them from state schools altogether is a “good” story that should inspire many acres of satire. What’s going on?

Angus Azuka
nasosotori@hotmail.com

Editor’s note: What stops you from writing it? If you want to test whether we’ve been told to back off, why not write a Zamfara satire and see whether we will not publish it!

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AMERICAN JOBS FOR THE BOYS

SIR, I was searching through the web so I got your info about jobs in America. So, I will like to apply for the chance. Detail information is what I need.

Please kindly mail it to my box so that I can apply.

Shek Abraham
Shekinapower2002@yahoo.com

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MY HEART BLEEDS FOR NIGERIA

SIR, I’ve been surfing on your site for the past 4 hours and I’m in tears and my heart is broken. You have so explicitly and correctly done your job but my heart bleeds from the obvious malfunctioning state of our nation.

Where do we start? Who shall lead this clean-up? And how many people are aware of the extent of its depth?

Tinuade Adesina
tinuade@yahoo.co.uk

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HELP ME CROSS OVER

SIR, I don’t really have any comment right now. All I want is how you can help me cross over to America or the UK just like you guys. You don’t need to find me a job in America or the UK. I will come and look for a job myself.

All I now need is a letter of invitation, copy of the passport of somebody over there; preferably a citizen, but Nigerian. That’s all.

If you need further information about me I will definitely send it.

Lekan Ayeni
Papilo2002@yahoo.com

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TWISTED

SIR, Quite an interesting site, which I thoroughly enjoyed. I just hope the contents are not taken literally or too seriously by some surface-minded persons. If they do, to hell with them; we don't need such persons around. Please keep up the biting humour. I know you will, since Bisi Ogunbadejo has a hand in it.

I have known Bisi for a long time, and I have always viewed his sense of humour as somewhat twisted and convoluted. Seems age has not changed or mellowed him. On the contrary, time has cooked, or rather over-cooked his sense of humour to a form so twisted that it borders on what may be described as "rational insanity". Oddly enough, I still enjoy the humour. And since I do, I guess I may be viewed as rationally insane. I will contend that there are many of us.

Keep up the good work.

Yours Sincerely,
Dr. Edward E. Eule,
Virginia Beach, Virginia, USA.

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JOB VACANCIES IN AMERICA

Sir, I wish to take this opportunity to apply for any kind of job in America, after going through your web site and reading the article titled: Nigeria promises to fill job vacancies in America

I am a Nigerian living in The Gambia. Although I am employed as a teacher, I am willing to do any kind of job in America.

I am an honours graduate from The University of Uyo, Nigeria and I will be grateful should this application be given due consideration.

My address is: c\o Mr. Stephen Nbona, P.O.BOX 45754, Brikama Town,
The Gambia.

Hope to hear from you.

Yours Sincerely,
Jonah Isaac
The Gambia

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DIVIDENDS OF DEMOCRACY

SIR, I read your interesting story about Zamfara Schools to teach Yoruba and Igbo. While it is a laudable thing to do, I am curious, as a Zamfaran, to know why they have taken yet another important decision without consulting with the people of Zamfara who voted them into office in the first place.

Zamfara government got away with imposing Sharia legal system, because the majority (as opposed to the minority who make up the elite/governing class) are law abiding and do not feel threatened by the injunctions imposed by the system and so couldn’t care less what the government did.

Now they are introducing the teaching of Yoruba and Igbo in our schools. I am sure the majority would be agreeable for much the same reason as above. The question is, why not ask the people anyway? Why not let the people rubberstamp your decisions and make them feel part of the decision-making process? We ordinary Nigerians don’t ask for much. Do we?

Yours Sincerely,
I.S Idris
Gusau, Zamfara State

P.S Zamfara state is not alone in this “we-impose-what-we-like syndrome”. All the 36 states and the federal government are as guilty.

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Still Savouring Your Delicacy

SIR: I visited your site after reading your column in the Guardian. That was two years ago. I have returned again and again to your site and each time I have found something new I didn’t notice before, to laugh about, even though the content has not changed. And after each visit, I go and share my experience with my friends who are unable to go online as often as I do.

I have just returned to your site and to my amazement you have made some changes. You have done some new stuff and cleared the old stuff into a corner. And to make matters worse, you have promised to update your site regularly. Why would you do that when I am still in the middle of savouring your delicacy? How on earth do you expect me to keep up?

James Ajaka
Jajaka4024@hotmail.com

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Believable Humour

SIR: Your online magazine platform is very unique. It is in many ways unlike most African publications that scream loud for everyone to hear that their reporting is fair, balanced and accurate. But in all honesty, all they do is disseminate misinformation and inaccurate reporting. As a discerning reader, I've never been fooled by that kind of journalism.

Your online magazine is the exact opposite. Yet, I am finding myself believing what I read in it, despite your clear warning that the whole thing is a charade and a figment of your imagination.

Johnson Davies
Freetown, Sierra Leone

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Expensive Jokes

SIR: I stumbled on your site about a week ago, and it is only today that I finished reading it. My verdict? It is awful. I don't like it one bit. On your welcome page, you said the idea of the magazine is for us to laugh at our ourselves. I have no objection to the masses laughing at the masses

But what I read in the other pages is nothing but a clever attempt to arraign our ex-military leaders and democratic politicians and expose their backsides to the world at our expense.

How dare you subject our role models and heroes to cheap, clever jokes? For your information, there are those of us aspiring to step into their shoes; aspiring to make our pile in politics and have our names emblazoned in the Swiss Bank's secret hall of fame. Why spoil it for us?

The trouble is, a magazine like yours is bound to be popular and my fear is that if you continue to lampoon our leaders, they will change for the better. And if they change, the chances of our generation stepping into their shoes to have our share of the cake will be severely jeopardised.

Why don't you just stick to the idea of laughing at the masses?

Umar Abdul-Kadhir
Kano, Nigeria

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Sell Your Content

SIR: I've just trawled through your site. Well done! Keep it up and keep hitting 'em where it hurts.

However, I noticed with regret that it has no advertisers' banners - which is not surprising, considering the peculiarity of your content. And honestly, I cannot see the likelihood of multinationals and government departments festooning you with adverts only for you to turn round and bash them on the head.

It would be bad news for us readers if you cannot sustain the magazine for lack of financial patronage. So my advice is that you start selling your content to other web sites and hurry up with your Sycophant newsletter to get your subscription sales started.

Dorcas Namusisi
Kampala Uganda

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